1
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(Narrator)
History has known many liars -

2
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:09,200
Copernicus, Goebbels,

3
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:11,400
Saint Ralph the Liar.

4
00:00:11,700 --> 00:00:16,200
But there have been none quite so
vile as the Tudor king, Henry VII.

5
00:00:16,500 --> 00:00:20,900
He rewrote history to portray
his predecessor, Richard III,

6
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:28,000
as a deformed maniac
who killed his nephews in the Tower.

7
00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:33,000
But the real truth is that Richard
was a kind, thoughtful man

8
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:36,400
who cherished his young wards.

9
00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:39,500
In particular Richard,
Duke of York,

10
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:44,000
who grew into a big, strong boy.

11
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Henry claimed he won
the Battle of Bosworth Field,

12
00:00:47,100 --> 00:00:49,100
and killed Richard III.

13
00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:51,500
Again, the truth is very different.

14
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It was Richard, Duke of York, who
became king after Bosworth Field

15
00:00:56,700 --> 00:01:00,200
and reigned for 13 glorious years.

16
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As for who killed Richard III

17
00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:05,400
and how Henry Tudor
escaped with his life,

18
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:10,000
all is revealed in this, the first
chapter of a history never told,

19
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:14,500
the history of The Black Adder.

20
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Silence, silence for the King!

21
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Now is the summer
of our sweet content,

22
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made o'ercast winter
by these Tudor clowns.

23
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And I that am not shaped
for black-faced war... (Cheering)

24
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..I that am rudely cast
and want true majesty...

25
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(Booing)

26
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..am forced to fight
to set sweet England free.

27
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I pray to Heaven we fare well

28
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and all who fight us go to hell!

29
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(All)
Hurrah!

30
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Absolutely, hurrah!

31
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Who is that?

32
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I know not, My Lord.
I'll ask my son.

33
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Harry, who is that?

34
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:16,200
- Your other son, My Lord.
- It is my other son, My Lord.

35
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:19,300
Fights he with us on the morrow?

36
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- What's his name?
- Edmund.

37
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:27,400
Edna! Fight you
with us on the morrow?

38
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:33,900
Oh, goodness, no.
I thought I'd fight with the enemy.

39
00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:44,100
He won't be
anywhere near me, will he?

40
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,500
No, he'll be amongst the rabble.

41
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- Oh, arrow fodder.
- Precisely.

42
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What a little turd.

43
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Percy, you see how the King
picks me out for special greeting?

44
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:03,900
- No, My Lord.
- I saw it, My Lord.

45
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Ah! And what is your name,
little fellow?

46
00:04:07,900 --> 00:04:10,200
Baldrick, My Lord.

47
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Then I shall call you...Baldrick.

48
00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:17,600
And I shall call you "My Lord",
My Lord.

49
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:21,300
I like the cut of your jib,
young fellow-me-lad.

50
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:25,200
How'd you like to be my squire
in the battle tomorrow?

51
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:28,500
It will be a great day
for we nobles.

52
00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:33,000
Not if we lose, Percy. If we lose,
I'll be chopped to pieces.

53
00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:36,500
My arms will end up in Essex,
my torso in Norfolk,

54
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and my genitalia
in a tree somewhere in Rutland.

55
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With you at the helm, My Lord,
we cannot lose.

56
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,900
We could if we wanted to.

57
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:51,700
Ah, but we won't, Percy. I shall
prove to all that I am a man.

58
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But you are a man.

59
00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:57,300
But how shall it be proved, Percy?

60
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By looking up the tree in Rutland.

61
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It shall be proved by mine enemies

62
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rushing to the water closet
in terror.

63
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- Hurrah!
- Hurrah.

64
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:12,100
A toast! Let all those
who go to don armour tomorrow

65
00:05:12,300 --> 00:05:18,000
remember to go
before they don armour tomorrow!

66
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Already, I can hear the sound
of battle ringing in my ears.

67
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Once more unto the breach,
dear friends, once more.

68
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Consign their parts most private
to a Rutland tree.

69
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Let "Blood, blood, blood"
be your motto!

70
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Slit their gizzards!

71
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:51,800
Now, I'm afraid
there's going to have to be

72
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,100
a certain amount of...violence.

73
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But at least we know
it's all in a good cause, don't we?

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(Cheering)

75
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And gentlemen in London still a-bed

76
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shall think themselves acursed
they were not here.

77
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And hold their manhood cheap,

78
00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:17,300
while others speak of those
who fought with us

79
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on Ralph the Liar's Day!

80
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(Snoring)

81
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(Knock on the door)

82
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Edmund?

83
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:44,900
- Edmund!
- Oh, Mother, what do you want?

84
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Did you want to go to battle today?

85
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(Alarm clock rings)

86
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It's eleven o'clock!

87
00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:05,100
- M'lord?
- What is it?

88
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:10,100
- Where is this battle, then?
- Somewhere called Bosworth Field.

89
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(Edmund)
Ah!

90
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(Edmund)
Damn, damn!

91
00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:22,100
First decent battle
since I've reached puberty.

92
00:07:23,300 --> 00:07:28,900
- Here we are, My Lord.
- Onward, Baldrick, to glory!

93
00:07:30,100 --> 00:07:34,700
(Swords clash and horses whinny)

94
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,400
Y-yes, um...

95
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:44,200
I'm not so sure
we're needed, Baldrick.

96
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:48,400
Everything seems to be going
very well, doesn't it?

97
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Everyone's fighting,

98
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:54,500
clearly having
the time of their lives.

99
00:07:54,700 --> 00:08:01,200
Why, some people over there aren't
fighting, they're just lying down!

100
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- They're dead, My Lord.
- Ah.

101
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Damn, I knew
I'd forgotten something.

102
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Would you excuse me, Baldrick?

103
00:08:17,100 --> 00:08:21,300
Your Majesty,
you've lost your steed. Take mine.

104
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:27,400
I've won the battle and saved the
kingdom. I can find myself a horse.

105
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:31,000
True, My Lord.
I'll see you at the castle.

106
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,800
So be it.

107
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A horse!
(Whistles)

108
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A horse.

109
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My kingdom for a horse.

110
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Ah!

111
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Horsey.

112
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Oi! That's my horse!

113
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There. That'll teach you!

114
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:21,500
You won't be doing that again,
will you?

115
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:26,400
Oh, my God, it's Uncle Richard.

116
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:30,200
Aaaaaaargh!

117
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:34,800
What's up, My Lord?

118
00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:40,400
Oh, dear, Richard III.

119
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What are you going to do?

120
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Quick.

121
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Hold it there.

122
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My Lord!

123
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(Baldrick groans)

124
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:25,300
Will you wait? Will you wait?

125
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Oh, well done.

126
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Where's the head?

127
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- I thought you had it.
- I can't carry everything!

128
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(Footsteps)

129
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:47,000
Percy, you brainless son of
a prostitute, where've you been?

130
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:51,400
I've just proved that I'm a man.
Look what I've found!

131
00:10:51,700 --> 00:10:55,900
Oh, thank God. Put it down
and let's get out of here!

132
00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:59,100
- I found it, it's mine.
- What do you mean, yours?

133
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I need it to prove
I killed a nobleman.

134
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And which nobleman, pray?

135
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,300
Er...

136
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Well, it's the King, actually.

137
00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:23,400
- Lost! All is lost!
- What?

138
00:11:23,700 --> 00:11:26,200
Flee! Flee!

139
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:29,600
- Quick, let's get out of here.
- Take me too!

140
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,100
Get your hands off!

141
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If you leave me, I'll die.

142
00:11:35,100 --> 00:11:38,300
If you don't leave me alone,
I'll kill you.

143
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:42,100
- Come on, Baldrick!
- I'll give you money.

144
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10,000 sovereigns!

145
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,200
- Mother!
- Edmund, dear. How did it go?

146
00:11:56,500 --> 00:12:00,100
Within seconds,
Henry Tudor will be at our gates!

147
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:03,700
But I'm not ready.
I haven't had a bath yet.

148
00:12:03,900 --> 00:12:06,500
Mother, Henry is our enemy.

149
00:12:06,700 --> 00:12:10,900
His men will brutally ravish you
and every woman in the castle.

150
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:14,100
Oh, well.
I shan't bother to change, then.

151
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,900
My Lord!

152
00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:20,600
- What do you want?
- Listen! (Drums)

153
00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:24,900
Oh, my God. They're here already.
Run for your lives!

154
00:12:25,100 --> 00:12:29,100
- Run for the hills!
- They're coming from the hills.

155
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:33,300
Sorry, run away from the hills!
Run away from the hills!

156
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:36,900
If you see the hills,
run the other way!

157
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:40,100
But they're flying
King Richard's banner.

158
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:44,900
- That's impossible. He's dead.
- King Richard - dead?

159
00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:49,800
Yes. Er...God knows how.

160
00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:54,900
Oh, dear.
That's really upset the tulip cart.

161
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:58,800
The flags are just
a cunning trick to deceive us.

162
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,100
(Baldrick)
My Lord, it's not a cunning trick.

163
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:06,000
No, because we've seen through it.
They obviously thought it was...

164
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:08,300
(Baldrick)
I don't think they thought it up.

165
00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:10,300
(Edmund)
They borrowed it?

166
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,100
(Baldrick)
I don't think it's a trick at all.

167
00:13:13,300 --> 00:13:17,100
You don't think using
someone else's banner is a trick?

168
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:20,000
(Crash)
Aah!

169
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,600
(Percy)
It's only your father.

170
00:13:24,900 --> 00:13:28,600
- Who locked that bloody door?
- Richard, it's you!

171
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:30,500
Who did you expect?

172
00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:32,900
I thought it would be Henry Tulip.

173
00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:37,800
Henry Tulip?
Have you lost your conkers?

174
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:41,600
- So you won?
- Yes, of course. We won!

175
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:46,100
We won! Victory!
(All cheer)

176
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,400
So I suppose
now you want to ravish me.

177
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:52,300
Yes, yes, in a moment.

178
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,400
The woman's insatiable.

179
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:59,100
Three cheers for good King Richard.
Hup, hup...

180
00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:01,500
(All)
Huzzah!

181
00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:04,100
- Hup, hup...
- Huzzah!

182
00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:05,700
Huzzah!

183
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:10,600
We just need King Richard here
and the day shall be complete!

184
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:15,400
Yes. What a pity he's dead.

185
00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:18,600
What! Who told you that?

186
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:22,000
Well, Edmund.

187
00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:24,600
Is this true?

188
00:14:24,900 --> 00:14:30,800
Er...I wouldn't know, really.
I was nowhere near him at the time.

189
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,400
I just heard from someone, er...

190
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:37,600
I mean, I don't even know
where he was killed.

191
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:40,200
I was on the opposite side
of the field,

192
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:44,300
nowhere near the cottage...
Not that it was the cottage.

193
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:48,500
It was the river. But I wouldn't
know, because I wasn't there.

194
00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:53,600
Apparently, some fool cut his head
off...or killed him in some way.

195
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:58,800
Or took an ear off. Yes, in fact,
I think he was only wounded.

196
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,800
Er...or was that somebody else?

197
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:06,000
He wasn't even wounded. Why,
did someone say he was dead?

198
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,300
- Yes!
- What?

199
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:12,100
It's true, My Lord.
I stumbled on his body.

200
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:17,000
Oh, pardon me,
thou bleeding piece of earth!

201
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:19,000
That's enough of that.

202
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,000
Thank you, Harry.

203
00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:24,000
Thank you, Harry!

204
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:32,200
Yes, and we all know who did
this dreadful deed, don't we?

205
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:38,100
Yes - Henry Tudor!

206
00:15:39,300 --> 00:15:42,100
And he still roams free.

207
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:45,800
Harry, call for silence!

208
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:50,500
Silence!

209
00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:56,900
For the King!

210
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:05,300
(All)
Long live King Richard IV!

211
00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:10,300
This day has been,
as t'were, a mighty stew,

212
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:13,700
in which the beef
of victory was mixed

213
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:17,100
with the vile turnip
of sweet Richard slain

214
00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:21,000
and the grisly dumpling
of his killer fled.

215
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:25,500
But we must eat the yellow wobbly
parts the good Lord serves.

216
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:33,800
In life, each man gets
what he deserves!

217
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:38,300
Well, come on. Let's go and kill
some more prisoners. Hup, hup...

218
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:43,000
(All)
Huzzah!

219
00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:53,200
(All three)
Hurrah!

220
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:57,100
We're safe
and I am a prince of the realm.

221
00:16:57,300 --> 00:16:58,900
Hup, hup...

222
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:00,700
- Huzzah!
- H-huzzah.

223
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:05,400
- Can you imagine the power?
- It's ours, all ours!

224
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,600
- What?
- Yours, all yours!

225
00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:12,400
Ah, Edmund, there you are.

226
00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:17,200
It's early, but I'd like
to sort out these battle averages.

227
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:21,000
- Who did you kill today?
- Um...

228
00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:24,000
no one.

229
00:17:24,300 --> 00:17:28,500
no one! Oh, dear.
I'll put you down for a duck, then.

230
00:17:28,700 --> 00:17:32,100
I'm afraid that takes you
out of the running

231
00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:35,500
- for the Legion Of Honour.
- Oh, I see. Sorry.

232
00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:38,200
I thought you meant
had I killed King Richard.

233
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,700
What?

234
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,200
What...was the question?

235
00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:46,400
Who did you kill today?

236
00:17:46,700 --> 00:17:50,700
Oh, I see. Er, right...
Er... Let's see.

237
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,500
(He mouths)
Pedant.

238
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:55,500
What?

239
00:17:55,800 --> 00:18:00,200
Pleasant...Pedant.
P...Peas...

240
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:04,000
Peasants!
There were a lot of peasants.

241
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:06,300
But they don't
really count, do they?

242
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:10,400
Only in the event of a tie.
So, how many did you kill??

243
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:13,400
- Oh, four...
- Four.

244
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,600
..handred.

245
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:19,200
Four handred...hand.

246
00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:23,200
Four hundred...hand fifty.

247
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:28,600
Four hundred and fifty! That's
three times more than myself!

248
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:32,000
- I had a couple of lucky breaks.
- Nobles?

249
00:18:32,300 --> 00:18:37,800
Ah, nobles... Let me see.
I think...Lord Coverdale.

250
00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:40,000
Who fought on our side, I believe.

251
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:45,100
I think Lord Coverdale
saw me slaying...um...

252
00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:48,700
- Warwick.
- Warwick the Wild, of Leicester?

253
00:18:48,900 --> 00:18:52,300
Yes. Pretty wild he was too.
He took some finishing off.

254
00:18:52,500 --> 00:18:56,500
Yes, I killed him myself
at one point. Anyone else?

255
00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:59,500
Um... Er... Now, let me see. Er...

256
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:03,900
I'm just trying
to put names to faces.

257
00:19:04,100 --> 00:19:08,300
Well, this is the list of lords
as yet unaccounted for.

258
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:11,900
- Roger de Runcey.
- Oh, yes, he was one of mine.

259
00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:15,500
- Lord Thomas of Devon.
- Ah, yes, back-slash.

260
00:19:15,700 --> 00:19:18,500
- Lord Yeovil.
- Yes, groin job.

261
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:23,800
This is remarkable, Edmund! Oh,
and the Bishop of Bath and Wells...

262
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:25,900
Will never walk again!

263
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,700
..will conduct
the thanksgiving service.

264
00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:32,700
Oh, Bath...and Wells!

265
00:19:32,900 --> 00:19:39,300
Ah, Lord Percy. Edmund tells me
you turned up late for the battle,

266
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:45,900
so there's not much point
in asking you your score, is there?

267
00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:50,200
- Ha-ha!
- A-ha-ha!Ha!

268
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:54,500
At last, I can relax.

269
00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:57,100
Who the hell is this?

270
00:19:57,300 --> 00:20:02,100
Ah, well, you remember that
dying man we saw in the cottage?

271
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:07,000
The one I specifically told you
not to bring back to the castle?

272
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:10,900
- That's the one.
- So what's he doing in my bed?

273
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,100
He claims to be a wealthy man.

274
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:17,400
I thought if we nurse him
back to health, he may reward us.

275
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,800
Now, wait! I think I have an idea.

276
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:26,100
If he is a wealthy man
and we nurse him back to health,

277
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,200
he may reward us!

278
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,300
Brilliant, My Lord. Good thinking.

279
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,600
(Both)
Thank you, Baldrick.

280
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,600
Well, what would you expect?

281
00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:41,100
After all, who has
the fastest brain in the land?

282
00:20:41,300 --> 00:20:43,600
Prince Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh.

283
00:20:43,900 --> 00:20:47,100
Who is the boldest horseman
in the land?

284
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,300
- Prince Edmund...
- ..Duke of Edinburgh.

285
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,400
Who is the bravest swordsman
in the land?

286
00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:54,400
Don't tell me.
That Earl from Norfolk.

287
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,000
Prince...

288
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:59,100
- (Both) Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh.
- Precisely.

289
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:03,600
Or, as I shall be known
from now on...

290
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:09,800
The Black Vegetable.

291
00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:15,600
My Lord, wouldn't something like
The Black Adder sound better?

292
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,800
No, wait.

293
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:21,100
I think I have a better idea.

294
00:21:21,300 --> 00:21:28,600
What about...The Black Adder?

295
00:21:32,300 --> 00:21:33,900
That one!

296
00:21:34,100 --> 00:21:36,000
That pair!

297
00:21:36,300 --> 00:21:39,800
That one!

298
00:21:55,900 --> 00:21:59,400
- Very witty, My Lord.
- Thank you, Baldrick.

299
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:03,900
- Very, very, very witty, My Lord.
- Thank you, Percy.

300
00:22:04,100 --> 00:22:06,900
You're certainly wittier
than your father.

301
00:22:07,100 --> 00:22:10,400
And head and shoulders
over Richard III!

302
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:13,200
Is that supposed to be witty?

303
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:16,300
Er... No, My Lord.

304
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:20,300
Th-that was an example
of the sort of thing

305
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,100
that you yourself
would not stoop to.

306
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:28,000
- Go away!
- (Both) Yes, My Lord.

307
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:48,800
- You're still here, are you?
- Er... Yes.

308
00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:56,400
Haven't I seen you
somewhere before?

309
00:22:56,700 --> 00:23:02,100
I don't know. I feel that
I've seen you before, also.

310
00:23:02,300 --> 00:23:07,700
I am Prince Edmund,
son of Richard IV.

311
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:11,200
- Who are you?
- I'm not important.

312
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:13,400
You mean you're not rich?

313
00:23:13,700 --> 00:23:16,500
Yes, I'm incredibly rich.

314
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:19,300
I'm a very wealthy, um...

315
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:23,600
..modest person,
who wishes to remain nameless.

316
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:25,700
You'd better be rich.

317
00:23:25,900 --> 00:23:31,300
Get your money together,
get better and get out of my bed!

318
00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:42,300
Oh, yes, very fetching.

319
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:46,200
Aaargh!

320
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:51,100
And hello to you.

321
00:23:51,300 --> 00:23:55,400
(In high-pitched voice)
Hello. Goodness me.

322
00:23:55,700 --> 00:24:00,500
I hadn't expected
to see you...like this.

323
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:05,700
- Sitting down, you mean?
- Yes, that's right. Sitting down.

324
00:24:05,900 --> 00:24:08,900
Goodness, look,
you're sitting down.

325
00:24:09,100 --> 00:24:13,600
Good Lord, I haven't seen
you sitting down since...

326
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:15,200
Yesterday?

327
00:24:15,500 --> 00:24:18,400
Was it only yesterday? Good Lord.

328
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:23,600
Um... Er... Well...
How was your battle?

329
00:24:23,900 --> 00:24:25,900
Fine. Someone cut my head off,

330
00:24:26,100 --> 00:24:30,400
but apart from that it went
swimmingly. How are you, Edna?

331
00:24:30,700 --> 00:24:33,300
- Edmund.
- Your father said Edna.

332
00:24:33,500 --> 00:24:34,700
No...

333
00:24:34,900 --> 00:24:39,100
So, Edna, you loathsome
little fairy maggot, how are you?

334
00:24:39,300 --> 00:24:43,500
How very kind of you to ask,
Your Majesty.

335
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:45,600
I'm very well.

336
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:49,600
And it's very good to see you,
because, frankly...

337
00:24:49,900 --> 00:24:54,000
- Yes?
- Well, frankly, er...

338
00:24:54,300 --> 00:24:56,600
Gosh, you look well.

339
00:24:56,800 --> 00:25:01,100
Frankly, what? Spit it out,
you horrid, little, scabby reptile.

340
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:07,500
Um... Well, frankly,
everyone thought you were dead.

341
00:25:07,700 --> 00:25:11,700
Well, frankly, I am.

342
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:15,100
(Knock at door)
Do come in.

343
00:25:15,300 --> 00:25:18,100
- No, don't come in!
- Why not?

344
00:25:18,300 --> 00:25:22,800
- Have you got someone in there?
- Um... Not as such.

345
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,600
- Is it a woman?
- No.

346
00:25:25,900 --> 00:25:29,500
- Is it a man?
- Um...

347
00:25:32,500 --> 00:25:34,900
Um... Yes, it is.

348
00:25:35,100 --> 00:25:37,600
You hesitated, Edmund.

349
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:40,100
It's not a sheep, is it?

350
00:25:40,300 --> 00:25:44,500
- It certainly isn't a sheep.
- Well, then, let me in.

351
00:25:44,700 --> 00:25:50,200
So farewell, Edna.
You'll be seeing me later.

352
00:25:52,100 --> 00:25:54,300
Um... Have, er...

353
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:56,900
Have you got transport?

354
00:25:57,100 --> 00:26:01,100
Perhaps you'd like
to borrow my horse again.

355
00:26:01,300 --> 00:26:04,900
I mean...not that
you've borrowed it before.

356
00:26:05,100 --> 00:26:09,100
Coming.

357
00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:19,100
Are you all right, Edmund? You look
as if you've just seen a ghost.

358
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:22,700
Hurry up, anyway.
You're expected at the banquet.

359
00:26:22,900 --> 00:26:25,800
Look, um...Mother, er...

360
00:26:26,100 --> 00:26:32,100
You won't tell anyone about
my oversleeping this morning?

361
00:26:32,300 --> 00:26:36,900
Would I? Do I tell people that your
brother Harry is scared of spoons?

362
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:42,300
Or that your father
has very small private parts?

363
00:26:42,700 --> 00:26:44,900
Mother!

364
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:48,200
(Edmund)
Baa! Ba-aa-ah.

365
00:26:48,500 --> 00:26:51,100
Oh, Edmund.

366
00:26:51,300 --> 00:26:56,600
It's the lying I find so hurtful.

367
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:59,500
Baa-aaa.

368
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:09,000
We'll slit it right up here!

369
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,500
So sorry I'm late.

370
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:15,200
Hold! You dare sit there, boy?

371
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:18,700
Would you insult
King Richard's ghost?

372
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,200
Um... No.

373
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:23,700
No, sorry.

374
00:27:23,900 --> 00:27:30,000
Yes, find your own chair,
you smelly little dog's pizzle.

375
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:38,600
How many prisoners
have you got, Harry?

376
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:40,800
I'm not Harry, I'm Richard.

377
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:44,300
- Send a brace to my room.
- (Harry) Do you want them hung?

378
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,400
- Hello?
- I want to practise my backhand!

379
00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:50,800
After the way
you slaughtered Lord Stanley!

380
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:52,300
Hello!

381
00:27:52,500 --> 00:27:59,200
- Oh, I wish Uncle Dickie was here.
- Don't Dickie me, duckie.

382
00:28:04,100 --> 00:28:05,400
Tonight, honoured friends,

383
00:28:05,700 --> 00:28:10,100
we are gathered
to celebrate a great victory

384
00:28:10,300 --> 00:28:13,100
and to mourn a great loss.

385
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:16,100
A toast to our triumph!

386
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:18,100
(All)
Our triumph!

387
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:20,600
And I raise a royal curse

388
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:24,700
upon the man who slew Richard,
our noble king!

389
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,300
It was him!

390
00:28:27,500 --> 00:28:30,700
- Oh, my God!
- Quiet at the end!

391
00:28:30,900 --> 00:28:34,000
- Whoever it was...
- It was Edna!

392
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:36,500
- ..wherever he be...
- He's there!

393
00:28:36,700 --> 00:28:40,800
- ..he shall be struck down!
- Do it, you oaf, he's there!

394
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:43,100
- It wasn't me!
- Who said that?

395
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:45,100
The idiot who killed me.

396
00:28:45,300 --> 00:28:48,400
- I didn't.
- Well, then, who did?

397
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:51,500
- It was Edmund who interrupted.
- Hang him!

398
00:28:51,700 --> 00:28:56,100
- Aargh!
- I will have silence!

399
00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:00,800
Another toast.
To dead King Richard.

400
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,700
Oh, my God.

401
00:29:03,900 --> 00:29:08,300
- Gentlemen.
- (All) King Richard!

402
00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:12,200
Thank you very much for nothing.
Thank you so much.

403
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:15,100
That's the last you'll see of me.

404
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:20,100
Not that you've
seen much of me anyway.

405
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:26,500
Now that we have silence, we shall
continue the desecration ceremony.

406
00:29:26,700 --> 00:29:31,400
Produce the portrait
of the pretender, Henry Tudor.

407
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:36,500
(Booing and hissing)

408
00:29:39,500 --> 00:29:42,300
Oh, my God!

409
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:55,900
- Good evening.
- Where's Henry Tudor?

410
00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,900
Baa-aaa.

411
00:30:00,100 --> 00:30:04,500
Where is he? Where is he!

412
00:30:06,500 --> 00:30:09,800
Whoo-oo.

413
00:30:19,700 --> 00:30:24,000
Thank you so much.

414
00:30:38,300 --> 00:30:43,200
(Wailing)

415
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:51,200
- Oh!
- Hail!

416
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:52,700
- Hail!
- Hail!

417
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:56,400
- Ruler of men.
- Ravisher of women.

418
00:30:56,600 --> 00:31:01,200
- Slayer of kings!
- Be gone, hideous crones.

419
00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:04,900
- Be not amazed.
- Be not overcome with fear.

420
00:31:05,100 --> 00:31:08,800
Be not paralysed with terror.

421
00:31:09,500 --> 00:31:13,500
Why have you lured me here,
you loathsome drabs?

422
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:15,800
We bear good news.

423
00:31:16,100 --> 00:31:19,900
What news could
such repulsive harbingers convey?

424
00:31:20,100 --> 00:31:22,900
Today has brought misfortune.

425
00:31:23,100 --> 00:31:27,300
- But one day...
- (All) Oh, glorious day!

426
00:31:27,500 --> 00:31:33,300
- One day...
- (All) Oh, happy day!

427
00:31:33,900 --> 00:31:35,100
Yes?

428
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:38,600
(All)
You shall be King!

429
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:40,800
Really?

430
00:31:41,100 --> 00:31:42,700
Yes.

431
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,000
Your Majesty.

432
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:48,800
Well, that is good news, isn't it?

433
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:54,200
God be with you,
you snaggle-toothed vultures.

434
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:57,900
History - here I come!

435
00:31:58,300 --> 00:32:01,900

'cross the glade

436
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:06,000

lock up your son and daughter

437
00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:10,000


438
00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:13,500


439
00:32:13,700 --> 00:32:15,500


440
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:17,600


441
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:21,600


442
00:32:21,900 --> 00:32:25,500


443
00:32:25,700 --> 00:32:30,000


444
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:34,200


445
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:38,200


446
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:42,300


447
00:32:42,500 --> 00:32:45,900

than his kettle

448
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:49,900


449
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:53,800


450
00:32:54,100 --> 00:32:58,200


451
00:32:58,500 --> 00:33:04,100


452
00:33:04,100 --> 00:33:06,300
He wasn't as I expected.

453
00:33:06,500 --> 00:33:08,600
I thought he was very rude.

454
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:12,400
I thought Henry Tudor
would be better looking.

455
00:33:12,700 --> 00:33:15,300
Yes, not so Jewish.

456
00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:20,100
More like that man
who rode by before.

457
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:26,200
- We've done it again!
- You silly witches!



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